George Clooney is an A list celebrity. He will forever be an A-list celebrity. Furthermore, I will even go on to say that he is of the stature of “unconsciously knowing” celebrity. And by that I mean, when did you first learn about, say, Marilyn Monroe? You don’t really remember, right? It has jut been imbedded with other, certain celebrity names. Elvis. Johnny Cash. Madonna. Lucille Ball. Bill Cosby. You kind of know when you learn about some of those names, but in particular, names like Elvis, it just kind of becomes part of growing up. I’d also put Denzel in this category too. George is added to this list by the thousands of references in pop-culture that happens every day. Whenever you watch a show/movie/book or whatever, every hopeless and desperate young girl (regardless of race) will yearn for a man “just like George Clooney”. He’s George Clooney!
But that’s the thing, he’s like you’re really cool uncle George who gets all the f-cking girls and does all the big movies and wins all these accolades and like lives in Croatia helping the poor and whatever and he just seems so awesome. But George is a business, if you look a little deeper, it makes me kind of sad for him. The other night I explained to my parents that every Oscar season when George is presenting a film of his or is in a film that is bait for the Academy, there are a certain set of rules he follows. He always almost dates a girl around Awards time unless he is just presenting but George never goes just to present. That’s a waste of his time and ours. The dating begins in the middle-end of Summer, just when we start talking about Oscar (his current piece made all the headlines at TIFF… when she walked to the carpet by herself). Thing is, all these girls he dates: Sarah Larson, Elizabetta Canalis & now, Stacey Keibler, are all D-C list celebrity names, who he makes B list until he breaks up with them because he no longer needs an Oscar.
You may think I’m digging for something that isn’t there but to further prove this, why hasn’t any of his relationships lasted? Sure, he’s just your fun single Uncle George who doesn’t want to settle down, but even most men at 50 tend to settle down with someone. And the girls, oh, the picking of the girls is f-cking incredible. It’s my favorite part of this entire scheme. Like I said before, all the girls, they’re low on the spectrum of celebrity. He does not date a real name. He dates someone attainable so the lonely women at home can – consciously or subconsciously – attach their identity to his current piece. Sure, you know no one who looks like Stacy Keibler but she is not Jennifer Aniston. Jennfier Aniston has a permanent name that you already affiliate with some past famous event in her life. You cannot affiliate anything with the person named Sarah Larson, who was just a waitress George met while vacationing somewhere. I can hear it now “i’m a waitress! does that mean I have a chance?”
It’s a little low brow of me to asses this entire thing from a stand point, but isn’t that what he is doing. After a certain point it becomes obvious. He does not make headlines when he does not have a movie to promote. You see Stacy Keibler… you then see George Clooney… you then see his new movie coming out this week, The Descendants which has Oscar buzz all over it and then you will go and see it. I just see it as a waste. Look at Meryl Streep. I don’t know if she’s married or banging anyone as of recently but her movies almost always do well and she always gets nominated and she never has to put on the For Your Consideration mask. It just kind of makes me sad for good ol’ George. I don’t know why so many of them need to play this game. And it’s not just the men. It’s the women. You know I love her but is Jennifer Aniston ever single when she’s not promoting something? Exactly.
Everything they do is part of this bigger game.