READ: Jessica Biel OFFERED The Role of VIPER In ‘The Wolverine’ Because We’re Throwing Money Away

We’ll I’m back from my two week long European leg of my tour. Who missed me? Who even noticed? No one? Thought so!

After being in the air for 9 and a half hours, the first thing that I saw when I turned on my phone was that JESSICA BIEL HAD BEEN OFFERED A ROLE IN THE UPCOMING THE WOLVERINE. In the middle of the airport, I yelled “The fuck?!”

The economy still isn’t in great shape and now we’re just offering roles to the likes of JESSICA BIEL? (Her name is in caps because I don’t understand!) All kidding aside, I’m actually dead serious. WHO offered her the role because this is hilarious. I’d love to know the reason why she was OFFERED. (She also immediately accepted it because, like everyone else in the world, when a job comes your way, you take it. Especially her, because she works so infrequently). So, why was she offered this role? Because of her incredible acting abilities showcases in the likes of 7th Heaven, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, Blade Trinity, Summer Catch, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The A-Team and the upcoming (and apparently really shitty) Total Recall remake? Or was it her proven box office star pow..LOL I cant even finish that one.

Sure, right now I’m being really mean spirited and you’re probably like “Alright, alright we get it!”. I know you do, we do, we all do, but why don’t they.

My two biggest issues with this is that: she was OFFERED the role like she’s Jennifer Lawrence/Emma Stone/Anne Hathaway and that it’s Jessica Biel. It’s uninspired. It’s dated. When you hear Jessica Biel’s name I feel like it’s 2003 all over again and this is The Wolverine. This is Marvel trying to fix the mess that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine. So, naturally, we cast Jessica Biel.

Can’t WAIT!


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