Dear Hollywood: Release A Movie I Want To See Soon, Please


This weekend, Jack The Giant Slayer was bestowed upon audiences and they, as judging by it’s less than giant (nailed it) box office numbers, ignored it by and large. This came up a lot on my Twitter feed (follow me on Twitter: @JordanApps) and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be shocked that it flopped or…?

Jack is just the latest installment in this ongoing saga of adult-themed, fairy-tale adventure films that keep getting rejected one by one.  Maybe if Hansel & Gretchen (typo and I’m not looking back) hadn’t been released so close to Jack it could of done better but…probably not. I don’t think many of us are surprised that it didn’t do “well” (a 28$ million opening is very acceptable, but not for this type of movie. Identity Thief made about $5 million more in it’s opening weekend and will double Jack’s entire domestic gross, most likely) but if you are, you shouldn’t be. These movies, even to the people that made Identity Thief a $100 million success (I can’t), don’t look appealing. They are the definition of soulless. I love Bryan Singer, and not even him nor the decent reviews can get me to pay for this tripe.

With all this said, I am very much looking forward to Oz: The Great And Powerful and here’s why. I’m always there for a big budgeted Disney release. Yes, yes, I know how terrible Alice In Wonderland is but do you remember how excited everyone was for that movie and how f-cking massive it became? At least it made the box office exciting. Original or not, Oz looks entertaining, it looks like fun, it looks like it could be a possible mess (early reviews are good-ish) but it knows exactly what it is and I think the story here is much richer than that of Jack & The Beanstalk for the love of God. Also: Mila Kunis. Need I say more?

And while I’m looking forward to Oz, and The Call (because obviously) and G.I. Joe: Retalation, I shouldn’t have to wait until March to be excited about going to the movies again. I’ll admit that it was a nice break from the hectic holiday schedule 2012 had (I saw Django 3 times. I’m still recovering…) but 2012’s January/Febuary and March prove that the early part of the new year can and SHOULD be just as exciting as Summer and the holiday season. In the last two months I saw Side Effects, Safe Haven, Warm Bodies, Mama and Sound City. For most people, that’s as many movies as they see in a whole year but I’m used to going to the theatre at least once a week.

So, please, Hollywood, let’s not have a repeat of this. And even though I know it’s coming, spare me Identity Thief 2.


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