The Latest Entry In “I Can’t With Johnny Depp”



News broke earlier this afternoon that Johnny Depp is for serious going to return as Jack Sparrow that thing he played in Dark Shadows Edward Scissorhands Tonto The Mad Hatter for Alice In Wonderland 2. Because, you know, “it’s for my kids”. Deadline is saying that in addition to this, news of his overall deal with Disney is also a thing. So this means I’m getting Alice In Wonderland: On Stranger Tides at some point, right? F-ck.

I can’t with him. I haven’t been able to for years, or ever really. Pre-Pirates Depp is great, of course, I love Scissorhands, Ed Wood, Blow, etc… all that stuff. Winona Forever, yes, of course. And then came 45 Pirates movies. Then came the rinse, wash and repeat of the same character year after year. He is pretty much Jennifer Aniston but with more wigs. Why don’t we treat him the way we treat her? Is the addition of a quirky voice supposed to mean he’s some sort of method actor? Get out.

What is the point of even doing Alice In Wonderland 2? Like, what is he getting out of this creatively? Is this still fun for him? Doing the same thing over and over again? He’s not poor so it’s not for the money. So I really don’t understand. DID HE NOT SEE THE NUMBERS FOR THE LONE RANGER? Also: DID DISNEY NOT SEE THE NUMBERS FOR THE LONE RANGER? Or the reviews. Or the backlash. Or the lack of interest. Or the fact that audiences are clearly tired of his shit?

Johnny Depp gets some sort of free pass because he pretends like he is above Hollywood when he’s just as bad as the rest of them, if not worse. I’ll take Anne Hathaway and her try-harding over Johnny Depp and his 600 scarves and rings he got for the sale bin at Urban Outfitters every single day.



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